yesterday a switch was turned inside of me. now i no longer have the blessing of that immense amount of guilt that i have all of this whereas the people in the psychiatric ward have to live like that. i am back in the physical plane. i want balance.this fear that Allah will snatch it all, my love, affection of my mum..... it's muted. but is that good? it doesn't matter. i have to accept.
Allah spoke to me through Taz. i don't know how i could just say yes i am angry and i do hate myself and that's okay. what's wrong with it?
there's so many things that's wrong with it. it takes you away from god, because you hate Him. you think it's ok to abuse yourself through hitting yourself and whipping yourself (figuratively, through the mind) and then it's so easy to do it to another. and then i know my crimes. and yet, now they seem smaller. and that's NOT how i want it.
i need to realise the importance of namaz, yoga, meditation and alpha level for me to be a good person. i need it, it's not selfish. it is a requirement. pituitary gland and pineal gland. and he knows all about it, but what were the words, we aren't at liberty to say... no. and it was just so easy for me to understand what he meant then.i trust him at least. (him being sheikh arif)
but the facts still remain that, even if there is a switch, there is still no balance. now, even though i am doing the deep breathing, the link with Allah that i felt is not there. the imperativeness, the urgency i felt even three days ago is not there. i'm not concentrating any better on salaat, so is it accepted? no of course not. my heart is rusted and sealed.
and i must be grateful because all of this is temporary and hings are going o change, and i will be punished or just it will happen. i am not earning a thing. my pride will find ways to overcome me.my ego is there and is there and painbody and mind ego are there. and then there's people.
acupressure and mudras work.one advice for anyone reading this. please start the breathing from the stomach and the meditation. meditation can also just be imagining something in your mind, anything to relax you so your mind goes into the spiritual alpha level.keep doing it.
Allah spoke to me through Taz. i don't know how i could just say yes i am angry and i do hate myself and that's okay. what's wrong with it?
there's so many things that's wrong with it. it takes you away from god, because you hate Him. you think it's ok to abuse yourself through hitting yourself and whipping yourself (figuratively, through the mind) and then it's so easy to do it to another. and then i know my crimes. and yet, now they seem smaller. and that's NOT how i want it.
i need to realise the importance of namaz, yoga, meditation and alpha level for me to be a good person. i need it, it's not selfish. it is a requirement. pituitary gland and pineal gland. and he knows all about it, but what were the words, we aren't at liberty to say... no. and it was just so easy for me to understand what he meant then.i trust him at least. (him being sheikh arif)
but the facts still remain that, even if there is a switch, there is still no balance. now, even though i am doing the deep breathing, the link with Allah that i felt is not there. the imperativeness, the urgency i felt even three days ago is not there. i'm not concentrating any better on salaat, so is it accepted? no of course not. my heart is rusted and sealed.
and i must be grateful because all of this is temporary and hings are going o change, and i will be punished or just it will happen. i am not earning a thing. my pride will find ways to overcome me.my ego is there and is there and painbody and mind ego are there. and then there's people.
acupressure and mudras work.one advice for anyone reading this. please start the breathing from the stomach and the meditation. meditation can also just be imagining something in your mind, anything to relax you so your mind goes into the spiritual alpha level.keep doing it.
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