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I really don't love myself. That's why I am currently here. I'm unfortunate enough to have chosen the wrong people to befriend and now have lost them.

i know nobody's going to do all the right things, but my knowledge of my connection with god is that i must protect myself because I may get influenced too - to lie to my parents, to think it is okay to not pray my salaat.... it's so tough.

I know God and Islam is way more than what i have learned so far and in trying to get to another level, I'm having to go to read things like Silva method and eckhart tolle and they seem okay except now I say i am sinning and will be whipped with a brow leather belt and thrown into a pit of fire or that all the money and love will be taken away from me in all at once because I don't have a job.

And there's absolutely no one I can trust enough to guide me because it "has" to come from within and I've been without my whole life so far.

I'm not getting new glasses that I need because I don't think i deserve them, same with clothing. I took my cats away because i couldn't face feeding or loving them any more. can you believe it? things change so drastically.

How can you say you are a worthwhile person and I love you when I have done such horrible acts?

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