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lost

God.

to have chosen or been sent on earth to experience life? really? what insanity. right now i am insane. right now i speak and think through ego. right now i am completely lost. i don't want to go to the toilet, i don't want to eat. i don't want to sleep, meditate, i am confused and an unbeliever, and lost. i chose all of this? i search and i can't find because there is really no right way to live. either you sit with a quran all day taking out advice for which cloth you should buy or you try to be present without knowing what it is. and in all of this I'm supposed to find within to get a job and help clean a house that is never truly clean and keep relationships with people as unconscious as i am no matter how religious they are, it's not bringing them closer to god. and really what is day of judgement, is it how i understand it. are we all set up to fail like this, in insanity and ignorance and why bother when all is shackles? i can't even succeed in killing myself. god help me.

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