I had the most miserable therapy session yesterday. Not only did I waste most of the hour sobbing and unable to frame a sentence together, she charged Rs 200 extra and whatever she had planned for yesterday's 'very important session' was entirely sabotaged. I could feel the frustration creeping up inside of her.
She's told me in no uncertain terms that I am not to consider emigrating from Karachi for two years, until I can bear to live here and interact with the people here and the situation that I am in. Was that the trigger that made me cry? I doubt it: it's not like I have anywhere else to go. The London obsession is just a manageable daydream. Was it the fact that she tells me I ahve a personality disorder, but is tantalising me by not telling me which one? Who gives a fuck? I looked up two likely ones: self-defeating personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder, I think it's most likely the first.
Is it because I'm to not end taking pills, but just exchange the ones I am taking for different ones? She assumes I like taking pills, that I am dependent on them. What could be further from the truth?
She doesn't hold the answers that ring true for me, more's the shame.
Anyway. Enough. I can't think straight, especially after having a crisps-and-biscuits dinner last night, and practically nothing this morning.
time to change
I came across this randomly on someone's website. Bless whoever that was. It is so admirable. Of course, my first instinct was to go over there to work for this. I can't do that with my stupid two-year emigration ban, now can I? When I have any money of mine, this is going to be #1 priority charity, Mind or anything related to it.
She's told me in no uncertain terms that I am not to consider emigrating from Karachi for two years, until I can bear to live here and interact with the people here and the situation that I am in. Was that the trigger that made me cry? I doubt it: it's not like I have anywhere else to go. The London obsession is just a manageable daydream. Was it the fact that she tells me I ahve a personality disorder, but is tantalising me by not telling me which one? Who gives a fuck? I looked up two likely ones: self-defeating personality disorder and avoidant personality disorder, I think it's most likely the first.
Is it because I'm to not end taking pills, but just exchange the ones I am taking for different ones? She assumes I like taking pills, that I am dependent on them. What could be further from the truth?
She doesn't hold the answers that ring true for me, more's the shame.
Anyway. Enough. I can't think straight, especially after having a crisps-and-biscuits dinner last night, and practically nothing this morning.
time to change
I came across this randomly on someone's website. Bless whoever that was. It is so admirable. Of course, my first instinct was to go over there to work for this. I can't do that with my stupid two-year emigration ban, now can I? When I have any money of mine, this is going to be #1 priority charity, Mind or anything related to it.
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