If my Mum hadn't shut up just now, I'd have hit her. I can't even say these things to my shrink. There's still a part of me that is hidden - because it is too ugly, I deny it in myself.
Why is it that my so-called affection for these people i.e. the mother and the father flip over in a second to hatred the moment they shout at me, attack me and become nasty to me? That's not affection, let alone love.
And the fact that this specific 'lady' has come back to Karachi while I am still here was bad enough, the fact that she's staying for three entire months is bad enough, but the fact that I have to see her on Saturday because these fucking sisters don't know the meaning of distance is homicide for me.
I dislike her intensely; I don't know why but I do. It's what? a sin, blasphemy, punishable by fire? Hell, no. I already suffer the punishment, each time her name is mentioned, my soul smoulders, the hatred just rises up like a huge wave and engulfs me. Each time she is called 'poor little thing', I feel like scratching my ears off so as not to listen to that crap. I don't feel it so much towards her husband; he is fortunate enough to be in another realm. He never had enough face to face contact with me in order for me to poison my Soul against him. I question it, I'm told I'm wrong, yet it persists.
What is the flip-side to her coming here on Saturday? I won't have to go to visit her at her house.
Why is it that my so-called affection for these people i.e. the mother and the father flip over in a second to hatred the moment they shout at me, attack me and become nasty to me? That's not affection, let alone love.
And the fact that this specific 'lady' has come back to Karachi while I am still here was bad enough, the fact that she's staying for three entire months is bad enough, but the fact that I have to see her on Saturday because these fucking sisters don't know the meaning of distance is homicide for me.
I dislike her intensely; I don't know why but I do. It's what? a sin, blasphemy, punishable by fire? Hell, no. I already suffer the punishment, each time her name is mentioned, my soul smoulders, the hatred just rises up like a huge wave and engulfs me. Each time she is called 'poor little thing', I feel like scratching my ears off so as not to listen to that crap. I don't feel it so much towards her husband; he is fortunate enough to be in another realm. He never had enough face to face contact with me in order for me to poison my Soul against him. I question it, I'm told I'm wrong, yet it persists.
What is the flip-side to her coming here on Saturday? I won't have to go to visit her at her house.
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