I watch in pained silence as certain people take the same passionate path towards organised religion as I did 6 years ago and just hope that they reach a sense of balance soon. The pious thinking and talking gets to you after a while. Especially when you're forcing yourself to be the perfect specimen of belief when it's illusory. And almost completely alien to your being.
Or rather, it is not you. It is who you've been told you should be. Blah blah. People never reach that level after years of worship or idolatry of one's culture. Trying to scale the heights till the very top, a reactionary position in an effort to rub away all the dirt and muck you've amassed from the past life you had, before you were reborn.
For me, it was just the practicality of the matter. I soon felt embarrassed to wear the jilbab when it was never really part of who I was. I was ashamed of that embarrassment but had to allow myself to breathe and try out things, bit by bit.
Focus goes a bit too narrow and a bit too adamant. Soaking in all the religious information one can get and assuming it's all been researched properly, thought out logically and therefore is sense. Then having to re-organise your thoughts when you realise half of what you've read is still bullshit, no matter how much you try and tell yourself that it's the Truth. Because you're just too scared to not believe. In case you are wrong.
Most Muslims usually get encouraged to stop questioning everything and we don't even realise it. The mullahs show pride that we think logically about the Trinity whereas the Christians don't. Fair enough.
But then when it comes to exploration of the threads within the blanket called Islam, with the slightest possibility of someone questioning why certain schools of thought allow boys and men to masturbate if they can't control their sexuality instead of letting them do mut'a - or why they are so adamant in claiming that the Prophet, in effect, chose a son-in-law who wasn't fit to lead after him, in spite of the Hadith about Ghadeer and Mubahila and Daawatul Dhul Ashira and "Ali holds the same relation to me as Aaron did to Moses, except there will be no prophet after me" - you just have to laugh at the utterness of it all.
I mean, I still am not completely informed about Ahmadiyah and Deobandi and Asharee faiths. If I had any inkling to do so, I'd research more. At least I have the freedom to question. Not all Muslims have that freedom.
Those who seek the truth sincerely, without prejudice, will find it. They may question their faith millions of times and adopt other ways of thinking, until they find flaws with that and revert back. But God has promised we will find our way back because He knows what is in the hearts.
And some people just hear about Ali and God changes their hearts. It's simple as that.
I lost track of what I was initially lambasting.
Oh yes. Becoming a hyper-devout. It's not so much a dreaded 'phase' that the grown ups sneer about as it is a period where you want to devote yourself to the Eternal and gain all wisdom and insight as soon as possible. Because otherwise you've damned yourself. Super-size me. Now.
So we're bound to get it wrong. And then we get some of it right, and shed some unbecoming ideals because it was never really about becoming someone else. It is about working within the framework, the blueprint of what one is and consciously pushing one's best bits to emerge.
Now, man-made Islam may not be as expansive as to be sympathetic about homosexuality and trying to figure it out and help. Or as accepting of people being forced to be celibate because of the poor 'choices' in the real world. Even a seemingly generous act of wanting to adopt a child is rife with complications mostly to do with lactation.
But there is God's Islam. Expansive. Liberal. Compassionate. Diverse. You will find it because it was made specifically for you. You - the Being as a whole and as an individual. And try as they might, and as weak as I may become, I hope I can tell the difference between man's Islam and God's Islam.
God's Islam sings to the heart. It is that peace one gets after having prayed the Fajr salaat on time and it's still dark. It forms the stillness that occurs after you've sobbed your heart out for that one thing that remains elusive to you and you just whisper at the end "Oh Merciful. Please."
And although you are constantly fighting your id in order to keep afloat on the wave of faith, the truth will enhance who you already are, not cover some essential parts and attach others that just do not feel comfortable wearing, even after trying so hard to fit that certain mold.
God's Islam is the spiritual, logical, moderate and somewhat easy path. Always remember that.
Or rather, it is not you. It is who you've been told you should be. Blah blah. People never reach that level after years of worship or idolatry of one's culture. Trying to scale the heights till the very top, a reactionary position in an effort to rub away all the dirt and muck you've amassed from the past life you had, before you were reborn.
For me, it was just the practicality of the matter. I soon felt embarrassed to wear the jilbab when it was never really part of who I was. I was ashamed of that embarrassment but had to allow myself to breathe and try out things, bit by bit.
Focus goes a bit too narrow and a bit too adamant. Soaking in all the religious information one can get and assuming it's all been researched properly, thought out logically and therefore is sense. Then having to re-organise your thoughts when you realise half of what you've read is still bullshit, no matter how much you try and tell yourself that it's the Truth. Because you're just too scared to not believe. In case you are wrong.
Most Muslims usually get encouraged to stop questioning everything and we don't even realise it. The mullahs show pride that we think logically about the Trinity whereas the Christians don't. Fair enough.
But then when it comes to exploration of the threads within the blanket called Islam, with the slightest possibility of someone questioning why certain schools of thought allow boys and men to masturbate if they can't control their sexuality instead of letting them do mut'a - or why they are so adamant in claiming that the Prophet, in effect, chose a son-in-law who wasn't fit to lead after him, in spite of the Hadith about Ghadeer and Mubahila and Daawatul Dhul Ashira and "Ali holds the same relation to me as Aaron did to Moses, except there will be no prophet after me" - you just have to laugh at the utterness of it all.
I mean, I still am not completely informed about Ahmadiyah and Deobandi and Asharee faiths. If I had any inkling to do so, I'd research more. At least I have the freedom to question. Not all Muslims have that freedom.
Those who seek the truth sincerely, without prejudice, will find it. They may question their faith millions of times and adopt other ways of thinking, until they find flaws with that and revert back. But God has promised we will find our way back because He knows what is in the hearts.
And some people just hear about Ali and God changes their hearts. It's simple as that.
I lost track of what I was initially lambasting.
Oh yes. Becoming a hyper-devout. It's not so much a dreaded 'phase' that the grown ups sneer about as it is a period where you want to devote yourself to the Eternal and gain all wisdom and insight as soon as possible. Because otherwise you've damned yourself. Super-size me. Now.
So we're bound to get it wrong. And then we get some of it right, and shed some unbecoming ideals because it was never really about becoming someone else. It is about working within the framework, the blueprint of what one is and consciously pushing one's best bits to emerge.
Now, man-made Islam may not be as expansive as to be sympathetic about homosexuality and trying to figure it out and help. Or as accepting of people being forced to be celibate because of the poor 'choices' in the real world. Even a seemingly generous act of wanting to adopt a child is rife with complications mostly to do with lactation.
But there is God's Islam. Expansive. Liberal. Compassionate. Diverse. You will find it because it was made specifically for you. You - the Being as a whole and as an individual. And try as they might, and as weak as I may become, I hope I can tell the difference between man's Islam and God's Islam.
God's Islam sings to the heart. It is that peace one gets after having prayed the Fajr salaat on time and it's still dark. It forms the stillness that occurs after you've sobbed your heart out for that one thing that remains elusive to you and you just whisper at the end "Oh Merciful. Please."
And although you are constantly fighting your id in order to keep afloat on the wave of faith, the truth will enhance who you already are, not cover some essential parts and attach others that just do not feel comfortable wearing, even after trying so hard to fit that certain mold.
God's Islam is the spiritual, logical, moderate and somewhat easy path. Always remember that.
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