Yesterday's Lesson
I never went to a majlis yday but learned that the love of the Prophet's descendents is truly something that can only be inculcated by attending majalis and spending time with the lovers of the Ahlul Bayt. And by truly feeling it. An inspiration whispered to awaken you while you sleep heedlessly. You can't say something with verity such as you empathise or admire Hussain for his sacrificing everything while you don't even think before you wear a bright red shalwar kameez on the 1st of the month.
Conflict
I've also learnt that when you have conflict with someone, they reflect the bits about you which are negative and you wish to deny. So that means that I have become like my younger aunt and like my father in many ways. They are both my Shadows. Ce n'est pas le cas que l'un est meilleur que l'autre. They both would never see me again if they could make it so, they both would find it highly gratifying to kick me out of 'their' own houses.
TherapyWorks
The shrink said that I should consult her before getting into the course. She feels that it'll set me back in my progress because it is humanistic and I will identify too much with what I learn. She asked me whether or not I'd like to do Gestalt, cognitive therapy. I said it interested me as well, but not as much as Jungian theory. So it might not happen. The Minster Centre in London is still my best bet - being integrative.
Different people, same behaviour
Oh, I haven't mentioned that my aunt is using my own techniques and is ignoring me completely. I say sometihng to her, she refuses to reply. I don't exist. It kind of pinches, but not so much because my ego is slightly higher than a worm's tit in relation to her at least and there will come a day when I don't feel the urge to talk to her at all.
The older aunt is also being passive aggressive by not emailing me at all. I asked her about it when I called her after I found out through my mum that she has arthritis in the spine and she said that since I didn't seem interested, she was now only emailing her 'sisters'. She hasn't ever phoned me since I left Toronto in June 2007. Not even on my birthday in 2008. Talk about cheapskate. But then again, as my father so wisely told me, my behaviour will come to haunt me.
But I really can't seem to do anything about these things I feel towards the three of them. Disgust, repulsion, unable to understand them because they blow hot and cold and hatred towards younger aunt and father. And apathy towards older aunt. Her generosity has probably tempered the hate I used to have for her.
PMT
I suffer from it horribly since the past four months. Just like Jen in The IT Crowd. And it could also be my manic phase. I'm just hating myself and everyone else, attributing the worst things about the people they have hired to take care of us, being generous to people who aren't my blood and being my vicious self towards anyone who is tied to me by blood.
But I am trying my best not to play the victim, because that's got to be the most unattractive thing I've done - IN THE PAST. I'm the aggressor now. Through and through. Since June 2007. Quel accompli.
I never went to a majlis yday but learned that the love of the Prophet's descendents is truly something that can only be inculcated by attending majalis and spending time with the lovers of the Ahlul Bayt. And by truly feeling it. An inspiration whispered to awaken you while you sleep heedlessly. You can't say something with verity such as you empathise or admire Hussain for his sacrificing everything while you don't even think before you wear a bright red shalwar kameez on the 1st of the month.
Conflict
I've also learnt that when you have conflict with someone, they reflect the bits about you which are negative and you wish to deny. So that means that I have become like my younger aunt and like my father in many ways. They are both my Shadows. Ce n'est pas le cas que l'un est meilleur que l'autre. They both would never see me again if they could make it so, they both would find it highly gratifying to kick me out of 'their' own houses.
TherapyWorks
The shrink said that I should consult her before getting into the course. She feels that it'll set me back in my progress because it is humanistic and I will identify too much with what I learn. She asked me whether or not I'd like to do Gestalt, cognitive therapy. I said it interested me as well, but not as much as Jungian theory. So it might not happen. The Minster Centre in London is still my best bet - being integrative.
Different people, same behaviour
Oh, I haven't mentioned that my aunt is using my own techniques and is ignoring me completely. I say sometihng to her, she refuses to reply. I don't exist. It kind of pinches, but not so much because my ego is slightly higher than a worm's tit in relation to her at least and there will come a day when I don't feel the urge to talk to her at all.
The older aunt is also being passive aggressive by not emailing me at all. I asked her about it when I called her after I found out through my mum that she has arthritis in the spine and she said that since I didn't seem interested, she was now only emailing her 'sisters'. She hasn't ever phoned me since I left Toronto in June 2007. Not even on my birthday in 2008. Talk about cheapskate. But then again, as my father so wisely told me, my behaviour will come to haunt me.
But I really can't seem to do anything about these things I feel towards the three of them. Disgust, repulsion, unable to understand them because they blow hot and cold and hatred towards younger aunt and father. And apathy towards older aunt. Her generosity has probably tempered the hate I used to have for her.
PMT
I suffer from it horribly since the past four months. Just like Jen in The IT Crowd. And it could also be my manic phase. I'm just hating myself and everyone else, attributing the worst things about the people they have hired to take care of us, being generous to people who aren't my blood and being my vicious self towards anyone who is tied to me by blood.
But I am trying my best not to play the victim, because that's got to be the most unattractive thing I've done - IN THE PAST. I'm the aggressor now. Through and through. Since June 2007. Quel accompli.
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