Penny Pasta
Went to Copper Kettle on Saturday. Food was excellent, especially the cheesecake and the 'penny' pasta. I laughed out aloud when I read that on the buffet table. Apparently, you can make homemade pasta, but it requires a lot of dedication and work when it comes to drying it after you've cut it into shapes. But I felt way guilty afterwards. On the surface, we spent just five quid per person, but in Paki terms that's 500 bucks and you could have 5 dinners with that amount.
Yummy fish and chips from Ponderosa... oooh. *blank, blissful stare*
2nd psychobabble session
Anyway, technically had my 2nd session with the talking shrink yday. Seems I'm waffling away, I finally spoke and maybe it was irrelevant to the question she'd asked, but that's what came to mind at that mo. She made a very good imitation of a 'sarcastic' smile. I talked about my not believing life as absolutely sacred because it didn't occur to me when writing my list and because I am shit scared that I unabashedly and firmly hold that opinion. That animals and people who are of no use at all should be euthanized. That's such a frigging inhuman, Hitlerish opinion, forget unIslamic. And then she totally froze me out when I said, "I hope your mum gets better soon" after being forced to eavesdrop on a phone convo.
Unconditional Love
She told me to love unconditionally, it's part of my homework. Yeah, right. I so see that coming easily to someone as resentful and bruised as myself.
Humanistic Therapy
Some organisation is offering a complimentary, "freefreefree" seminar on that kind of therapy and I want to go with Taz. Prob is that apparently, since my aunt asked the driver to come early last Sunday to go somewhere, I can't do it the following Sunday because he'll get pissed off and leave. So Taz will have to go solo and tell me how it was. Damned shame, I was hoping to meet a neo-Rogerian who would help me transform my life. As if. Stupid "happily ever after" dreams.
Gestalt, Existential and Interpersonal Therapies
OK, so I know I sound all poncey using phraseology such as passive-aggressive, transference, self-actualisation in my sessions, but does that necessarily mean that I can handle the knowledge that comes with it? Not really, she's confusing me with stuff like cognitive tracks.. at this point in time, I just want to get better I don't want to analyse anything. That makes recovery more difficult, doesn't it? But then, why am I complaining when I haven't told her to her face?
She still does most of the talking and then charges me extra for her talking longer than the 50 minutes I am allotted. She admits she talks a lot and still does it. Aargh. I didn't feel so angry with her this week, but way exhausted afterwards. She said it was normal for me to feel anger because she was asking questions that were too personal and I'm like "Shit, these are the psychobabbling processes that come in the movies and in Freudian literature. I don't want to be a plain reaction like that." But since when did I control stuff?
She said she's observing me and can't quite figure out why I am like this because I "showed her different things" yday. I think, "Yeah, honey, join the fucking club." Ah, it feels so damned good to say fuck. Rebelling without a cause again.
Chip on my shoulder...
She seems to want to make a huge issue about the fact that I am Shia Jafferi and she's Ahle-Sunnah. How did she even know I was a Shia? The stupid client last week and her mum happened to be Pakistani Khojas and my mum and her mum had loads to talk about, like Muharram majaalis, who recently died and who's who in the Karachi Jamaat. That made me die a slow, painful death inside of me, because when you go to a head shrink, no matter how unashamed you make yourself feel about the necessity of going, you don't want your mum making all nicey nicey with another patient's mum, especially when you might bump into them socially.
Anyway, there was no need for me to talk to the daughter and since she was as unfriendly as I, we stood in silence and with averted eyes while the mums talked. Then she goes in for 45-60 minutes. When I finally go in, during the session, the shrink goes, blah blah the patient who just left and she told me you are Shia, so I'm going to talk about Imam Hussain (because, apparently, I'll only believe something related to the Ahlul Bayt and not things directly linked to the Prophet. Go figure.)
I'm gobsmacked. What nerve!!! Why the hell did the client think it necessary to talk to the shrink about my religious denomination? Whose business is it? I'm going through a phase whereby I feel guilty at thinking of myself as a Muslim, let alone a Shia. For fuck's SAKE! I mean, I understand her motivation to let it all out with the shrink, same as mine would have been had I cared that much: "Oh crap! Your new patient is in our community and she knows my name and blah blah.. she knows I am your patient and it makes me feel all creepy inside that somehow other people will find out..." I suppose she assumes I am a typical Khoja and a typical Pakistani. Whatever that is (I know I know!)...
But I think it was very unprofessional of the shrink. She has no right to identify the patient by name or to mention my religious belief, even though she's trying out her one year's Muslim Psychology training on me.
I don't care how much of a rapport you're trying to establish: Shias in general feel like rabbits in headlights because they haven't enough faith and knowledge to explain or defend why it seems logical to respect the family of the Prophet more than any others, Shias in Pakistan are even more so. It's like you're a black person in Alabama in the 50s, being a Shia in Pakistan in the noughties.
The only people in the spotlight:
- Ayatullah Khomeini and the US hostages
- Moqtada al-Sadr and his so-called Medhi army
- Ahmedenijad and his behaviour being (mis)interpreted by the jaahil international media
- The Mancunian-Paki father who forces his two non-baaligh sons to do the zanjeer ka maatam "because it is part of our faith" (Guardian news).
AARGH!
I'm spent with all this ranting... after all, it was just my own perception of the event.
French quotation marks
Alt+ 174 = « Alt+ 175 = »
Went to Copper Kettle on Saturday. Food was excellent, especially the cheesecake and the 'penny' pasta. I laughed out aloud when I read that on the buffet table. Apparently, you can make homemade pasta, but it requires a lot of dedication and work when it comes to drying it after you've cut it into shapes. But I felt way guilty afterwards. On the surface, we spent just five quid per person, but in Paki terms that's 500 bucks and you could have 5 dinners with that amount.
Yummy fish and chips from Ponderosa... oooh. *blank, blissful stare*
2nd psychobabble session
Anyway, technically had my 2nd session with the talking shrink yday. Seems I'm waffling away, I finally spoke and maybe it was irrelevant to the question she'd asked, but that's what came to mind at that mo. She made a very good imitation of a 'sarcastic' smile. I talked about my not believing life as absolutely sacred because it didn't occur to me when writing my list and because I am shit scared that I unabashedly and firmly hold that opinion. That animals and people who are of no use at all should be euthanized. That's such a frigging inhuman, Hitlerish opinion, forget unIslamic. And then she totally froze me out when I said, "I hope your mum gets better soon" after being forced to eavesdrop on a phone convo.
Unconditional Love
She told me to love unconditionally, it's part of my homework. Yeah, right. I so see that coming easily to someone as resentful and bruised as myself.
Humanistic Therapy
Some organisation is offering a complimentary, "freefreefree" seminar on that kind of therapy and I want to go with Taz. Prob is that apparently, since my aunt asked the driver to come early last Sunday to go somewhere, I can't do it the following Sunday because he'll get pissed off and leave. So Taz will have to go solo and tell me how it was. Damned shame, I was hoping to meet a neo-Rogerian who would help me transform my life. As if. Stupid "happily ever after" dreams.
Gestalt, Existential and Interpersonal Therapies
OK, so I know I sound all poncey using phraseology such as passive-aggressive, transference, self-actualisation in my sessions, but does that necessarily mean that I can handle the knowledge that comes with it? Not really, she's confusing me with stuff like cognitive tracks.. at this point in time, I just want to get better I don't want to analyse anything. That makes recovery more difficult, doesn't it? But then, why am I complaining when I haven't told her to her face?
She still does most of the talking and then charges me extra for her talking longer than the 50 minutes I am allotted. She admits she talks a lot and still does it. Aargh. I didn't feel so angry with her this week, but way exhausted afterwards. She said it was normal for me to feel anger because she was asking questions that were too personal and I'm like "Shit, these are the psychobabbling processes that come in the movies and in Freudian literature. I don't want to be a plain reaction like that." But since when did I control stuff?
She said she's observing me and can't quite figure out why I am like this because I "showed her different things" yday. I think, "Yeah, honey, join the fucking club." Ah, it feels so damned good to say fuck. Rebelling without a cause again.
Chip on my shoulder...
She seems to want to make a huge issue about the fact that I am Shia Jafferi and she's Ahle-Sunnah. How did she even know I was a Shia? The stupid client last week and her mum happened to be Pakistani Khojas and my mum and her mum had loads to talk about, like Muharram majaalis, who recently died and who's who in the Karachi Jamaat. That made me die a slow, painful death inside of me, because when you go to a head shrink, no matter how unashamed you make yourself feel about the necessity of going, you don't want your mum making all nicey nicey with another patient's mum, especially when you might bump into them socially.
Anyway, there was no need for me to talk to the daughter and since she was as unfriendly as I, we stood in silence and with averted eyes while the mums talked. Then she goes in for 45-60 minutes. When I finally go in, during the session, the shrink goes, blah blah the patient who just left and she told me you are Shia, so I'm going to talk about Imam Hussain (because, apparently, I'll only believe something related to the Ahlul Bayt and not things directly linked to the Prophet. Go figure.)
I'm gobsmacked. What nerve!!! Why the hell did the client think it necessary to talk to the shrink about my religious denomination? Whose business is it? I'm going through a phase whereby I feel guilty at thinking of myself as a Muslim, let alone a Shia. For fuck's SAKE! I mean, I understand her motivation to let it all out with the shrink, same as mine would have been had I cared that much: "Oh crap! Your new patient is in our community and she knows my name and blah blah.. she knows I am your patient and it makes me feel all creepy inside that somehow other people will find out..." I suppose she assumes I am a typical Khoja and a typical Pakistani. Whatever that is (I know I know!)...
But I think it was very unprofessional of the shrink. She has no right to identify the patient by name or to mention my religious belief, even though she's trying out her one year's Muslim Psychology training on me.
I don't care how much of a rapport you're trying to establish: Shias in general feel like rabbits in headlights because they haven't enough faith and knowledge to explain or defend why it seems logical to respect the family of the Prophet more than any others, Shias in Pakistan are even more so. It's like you're a black person in Alabama in the 50s, being a Shia in Pakistan in the noughties.
The only people in the spotlight:
- Ayatullah Khomeini and the US hostages
- Moqtada al-Sadr and his so-called Medhi army
- Ahmedenijad and his behaviour being (mis)interpreted by the jaahil international media
- The Mancunian-Paki father who forces his two non-baaligh sons to do the zanjeer ka maatam "because it is part of our faith" (Guardian news).
AARGH!
I'm spent with all this ranting... after all, it was just my own perception of the event.
French quotation marks
Alt+ 174 = « Alt+ 175 = »