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I matter and so do you

"I matter and so do you"

This is from a Mind pamphlet on assertiveness. I like that phrase.

First session with Dr. Khan

I don't know what to make of her. She invaded my space a bit too much by being really friendly and maintaining an equal status between us. After all, I'm used to the almost disinterested, not-so-empathic way of counselling which I received at Glendon and in London. Not to say it didn't help, especially in London.

I completely tensed up in her office, something I did not do with Anouska or with Dr. Sarwat. I think my instincts picked up that I've started something that may actually work this time. I've been angling for bonafide psychotherapy and now that it's within my grasp, whether it is the same old crap CBT or she trys it the Freudian way, it's damned scary. I'm going to have to rip off all the defense mechanisms like projection and repression and see myself for who I really am and what I am really doing. She's a neurobehavioural scientist. She's even going to ask me about my gyneacological health. I raised my eyebrows at that. Because that's really thorough, especially when I have had a most irritating problem since age 13 and it may have been preceded by anxiety.

She's given me three questions for homework:

1) What are your beliefs?
2) Are you comfortable with the knowledge you have?
3) What are your main concerns?

I feel like I'm the main character in an early Woody Allen movie.

During the session, she gave me a list of sentences to complete with first thought that came to mind. I couldn't come up with anything for these two:

Love is...
I want to forget...

And I came up with:

Girls are stupid.
Boys are laid back.
Dancing is relaxing.

Never had this type of a session before. She mentioned some other tests that I've never heard of and is gonna do them on me as well. It's something I would love to be able to do if I was in the 'shrinking' profession. It will take at least 6 months. Sigh. I saw some of the in-patients in the psychiatric ward and felt so sad for them. Mental health, once you've lost it, you've lost it. Boom. And it takes really empathic and generous people to work with them on a regular basis.

I've also been prescribed a mood-stabiliser by the shrink and had to have a blood test today to see if my liver's functioning okay and I have a normal wite blood cell count before starting it, because it affects both. She wanted to give me lithium, but the mention of it makes my skin crawl. And I'd have to have a blood test each week for a while then every fortnight and I can barely get out of the house blah blah, so said I can't take it.

Once again...

I matter and so do you.

I have the right to my own space and this is how much space I take. I don't have a desire to take over your space, but will fiercely defend any violation of my own space.

So nuh to you :p
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Comments

madz said…
"Girls are stupid."
"boys are laid back."

This clearly proves you're straight in case you have any doubts...me on the other hand... =P
21 October 2008 at 20:37
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