After having watched 'Memoirs of a Geisha' just today, I now have more of an appreciation of Japanese culture and Japanese women, most of whom are quite beautiful (well, the actresses in the film and a few students I knew at Glendon were). I finally have regained enough concentration to follow an entire film. And read chapter after chapter of 'The Kite Runner'. It's such a melancholic book that when someone dies, I feel a sense of relief. That they've gone to a better place than this shitty place called Earth.
Umair emailed me today. Boys just cannot take hints. Oh well. I have no clue how to tell him I no longer want to keep in touch. I have nothing to offer this friendship, seeing as my soul and life have withered like an old palm branch, sucked dry and are dank with disappointment and despair. This 'friendship' is useless. One should throw away something that is useless, or rather, harmful to one's growth. A mon avis.
But it made me recall something my shrink asked me in the very first session I had with her. She asked me if I had close friends and my knee-jerk reaction was a "Yes", but then I qualified it with "uhm... well, not really."
She then asked, "Do you keep in touch or do you just cut off relationships without warning?" Or something close to that.
I had to sheepishly say "Yes, I do that."
So, for me, although difficult in the beginning, I have successfully cut off all fond memories of Umair from my mind, twice. I suppose he is more generous a friend to me than I am to him. I don't want to get hurt, and far more importantly, I don't want to sabotage any chances of my becoming a spouse in the future. I would be intolerant of my husband having women friends and I would hope he had enough backbone to discourage my having dealings with men other than those which are completely necessary.
So how I'll get this across to Umair, God knows. I suppose this is yet another one of my actions (befriending him) that have repercussions which are now out of my control.
Dammit.
Other than this, my life has been yet another series of abysmal days, merging into each other so that I can scarcely remember what I did an hour before, let alone the previous day.
I just hope Friday exceeds my great expectations.
Umair emailed me today. Boys just cannot take hints. Oh well. I have no clue how to tell him I no longer want to keep in touch. I have nothing to offer this friendship, seeing as my soul and life have withered like an old palm branch, sucked dry and are dank with disappointment and despair. This 'friendship' is useless. One should throw away something that is useless, or rather, harmful to one's growth. A mon avis.
But it made me recall something my shrink asked me in the very first session I had with her. She asked me if I had close friends and my knee-jerk reaction was a "Yes", but then I qualified it with "uhm... well, not really."
She then asked, "Do you keep in touch or do you just cut off relationships without warning?" Or something close to that.
I had to sheepishly say "Yes, I do that."
So, for me, although difficult in the beginning, I have successfully cut off all fond memories of Umair from my mind, twice. I suppose he is more generous a friend to me than I am to him. I don't want to get hurt, and far more importantly, I don't want to sabotage any chances of my becoming a spouse in the future. I would be intolerant of my husband having women friends and I would hope he had enough backbone to discourage my having dealings with men other than those which are completely necessary.
So how I'll get this across to Umair, God knows. I suppose this is yet another one of my actions (befriending him) that have repercussions which are now out of my control.
Dammit.
Other than this, my life has been yet another series of abysmal days, merging into each other so that I can scarcely remember what I did an hour before, let alone the previous day.
I just hope Friday exceeds my great expectations.