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Freewriting 10

Free personality analysis from ColorQuiz.com.
Generated on Wed Jun 11 12:45:00 2008.

Your Existing Situation
Relatively inactive and in a static condition, while conflict of one sort or another prevents peace of mind. Unable to achieve relationships of the desired degree of mutual affection and understanding.


Your Stress Sources
Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads her to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.


Your Restrained Characteristics
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are. Becomes distressed when her needs or desires are misunderstood and feels that she has no one to turn to or rely on. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.


Your Desired Objective
Sets herself idealistic but illusory goals. Has been bitterly disappointed and turns her back on life in weary self-disgust. Wants to forget it all and recover in a comfortable, problem-free situation.


Your Actual Problem
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, emptiness, and an unadmitted self-contempt. Her refusal to admit this leads to her adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude.


I thought it would be a good idea to take the quiz again. It's pretty accurate, as always. Weary self-disgust, it's an amazing turn of phrase and I will use it from now on to describe my self-hatred.

I am proud of myself for editing all the things I had to, even though I found it a real chore to do. I am not proud of myself for talking to Abbas, when I swore I wouldn't. I am glad I don't have yoga class today; it killed me yesterday. It was blimming forty degrees yesterday and we all were sweating like pigs, in spite of the air conditioning.

My mum has eleven kids coming in for summer term and they will drive me crazy and fatigued before the eight weeks are up! But some of them are intelligent for their age, and very pleasant so it makes it less of a chore. But I can never think of teaching such tiny kids - I'm the type who wants to lecture and exit the class after the hour is up, instead of spending most of my time disciplining the entire class. Enough of this random thinking; teaching is not for me. In fact, it's just more work at university level, even if it is first year.

So what the hell am I going to do as a profession?Even though it seems doable, I really can't see myself as a home person, because that would drive me insane. A part time job seems the best option. As an editor? Or writer? No on both counts. Then what?

Here we go again with the cyclical thinking patterns. I hope CBT works for me the second time around. I was only able to use it in a limited capacity the first time.

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