Rain Man is the only film of Tom Cruise's I like except for Top Gun and The Last Samurai. And maybe The Outsiders, but I will need to watch it again. Jerry Maguire wasn't bad, actually. But his early films had the rawness that the slick of the later films just can't match up to. No wonder Katie Holmes fell for him. He does have a killer smile, in spite of everything else I dislike about him. But come on, he was cute when he was younger. Erk. He's still 50 when you are 28. The baby is really cute though.
I saw the fluffiest ginger cat in my life yesterday. Stupid arse got scared and ran away so I couldn't stroke it.
I still feel like I am crap and that, after everything, I am going to compromise and get a dead-end job like teaching and I shall be a horrible teacher, the type that kids make voodoo dolls out of. And I don't even need to get into teacher's training in Karachi. And I shall have to dust and sweep the house each day and hang clothes out to dry and clean the five bathrooms. Well, I shall feel bad while watching my mother do it. And I shall have to go to boring Eid dinners and listen to S shout at my mum and then what? What will I do then? Will I yell back at her till my throat is hoarse, will I slam her doors, will I physically assault her? And pay the bills into the bank each month and never eat another Penguin again. And find a job. And watch hours of crap TV because the Internet will not be working. And not even go out to watch the duckies when I want to. Plus side, I might be able to make friends with a kitten and bring it up as my pet.
Really, it's a dead end. It's so fucking dead, it's demised.
I wanted to write this, it was from Threads of Hope.
'The opposite of depression isn't joy, it's vitality.' I always mix the both of them up. I think happiness is an actual state of mind to be achieved. When it's all utter rot.
Anyway, I am going to lay off the psychology now. That stupid enneagram book made me cry for half an hour yesterday. I'll start up something really stupid and intelligence-dumbing such as watching Top Gear episodes or buying lotto tickets. What else is there one can do to become normal?
Manifesto: to infiltrate normal society and become one of them.
How?
1. Stop thinking for yourself.
2. Follow ALL instructions, regardless of who gives them out.
3. Watch all of George W. Bush's press conferences.
4. Vote Tory in the next general election.
5. Listen to Mummy and Daddy even if it kills you.
6. Add complete strangers to my Facebook list, and the people whom i have previously deleted.
7. Stop listening to Classic FM. Listen to the Spice Girls' new single. And that stupid one from Scouting for Girls.
8. Stop reading children's books. In fact, stop reading, full stop.
9. Buy Heat magazine. Look at the pictures.
10. Get a job at Co-op or Sainsbury's and aspire for manager status.
11. After 5 years, upgrade to working in Tesco.
12.Get married to a rich, ugly Khoja guy, who is a non-virgin and abusive. Or ultra-patriarchal. Or just too nice. Or anything that is slightly less than your idea of perfection.
13. Stop cutting off chunks of your hair. Stop fantasizing about shaving it off.
14. Begin cooking stuff like curries, biriyani, daal.
15. Smile like you're winning.
Can't think of any more normalizing behaviours.
I had a weird dream that would almost seem like an epiphany if only I had remembered it. Well, it was to do with my life's purpose being to counsel children. For a second, I felt confident in that choice. And then I woke up. What another cliché. Fucking repeated ideas and words and thoughts and actions and... oh, how I hate this life.
I saw the fluffiest ginger cat in my life yesterday. Stupid arse got scared and ran away so I couldn't stroke it.
I still feel like I am crap and that, after everything, I am going to compromise and get a dead-end job like teaching and I shall be a horrible teacher, the type that kids make voodoo dolls out of. And I don't even need to get into teacher's training in Karachi. And I shall have to dust and sweep the house each day and hang clothes out to dry and clean the five bathrooms. Well, I shall feel bad while watching my mother do it. And I shall have to go to boring Eid dinners and listen to S shout at my mum and then what? What will I do then? Will I yell back at her till my throat is hoarse, will I slam her doors, will I physically assault her? And pay the bills into the bank each month and never eat another Penguin again. And find a job. And watch hours of crap TV because the Internet will not be working. And not even go out to watch the duckies when I want to. Plus side, I might be able to make friends with a kitten and bring it up as my pet.
Really, it's a dead end. It's so fucking dead, it's demised.
I wanted to write this, it was from Threads of Hope.
'The opposite of depression isn't joy, it's vitality.' I always mix the both of them up. I think happiness is an actual state of mind to be achieved. When it's all utter rot.
Anyway, I am going to lay off the psychology now. That stupid enneagram book made me cry for half an hour yesterday. I'll start up something really stupid and intelligence-dumbing such as watching Top Gear episodes or buying lotto tickets. What else is there one can do to become normal?
Manifesto: to infiltrate normal society and become one of them.
How?
1. Stop thinking for yourself.
2. Follow ALL instructions, regardless of who gives them out.
3. Watch all of George W. Bush's press conferences.
4. Vote Tory in the next general election.
5. Listen to Mummy and Daddy even if it kills you.
6. Add complete strangers to my Facebook list, and the people whom i have previously deleted.
7. Stop listening to Classic FM. Listen to the Spice Girls' new single. And that stupid one from Scouting for Girls.
8. Stop reading children's books. In fact, stop reading, full stop.
9. Buy Heat magazine. Look at the pictures.
10. Get a job at Co-op or Sainsbury's and aspire for manager status.
11. After 5 years, upgrade to working in Tesco.
12.Get married to a rich, ugly Khoja guy, who is a non-virgin and abusive. Or ultra-patriarchal. Or just too nice. Or anything that is slightly less than your idea of perfection.
13. Stop cutting off chunks of your hair. Stop fantasizing about shaving it off.
14. Begin cooking stuff like curries, biriyani, daal.
15. Smile like you're winning.
Can't think of any more normalizing behaviours.
I had a weird dream that would almost seem like an epiphany if only I had remembered it. Well, it was to do with my life's purpose being to counsel children. For a second, I felt confident in that choice. And then I woke up. What another cliché. Fucking repeated ideas and words and thoughts and actions and... oh, how I hate this life.