She said, "Try to get rid of those Western values and come back to Eastern values. I don't know how things are in the West or why this is so common with people in the West (mental problems). Over here, people have real problems. Such problems that would shame you. Come out from inside of yourself. Upney sey baahar niklo."
For a change, I just couldn't think.
I said, "I'm going to hang up now. Take care of yourself."
She said, "You know I love you."
I said, "Yes."
"The fourth type of introvert in the smallest minority group is the INFP, the Healer. Healers make up just 1% of men and 2% of women on the planet.
Healers under stress can do things to excess, like the other types – eating, drinking and exercise. In addition they can become bossy and domineering and are capable of ignoring others’ feelings when under pressure.
The worst kind of pressure for the INFP is to be in a situation where their ethics conflict with a relationship. In other words, when their desire to please others, even sacrifice for others, is opposed to their need for integrity, they suffer. Under this kind of pressure, INFPs begin to feel “unreal”. They may lose their place in time and space. Never very interested in the physical world, surroundings or possessions, if stress continues, the INFP may lose the ability to make simple observations and choices or to be present in any comprehensible sense of the word.
INFPs can also become restless and perfectionist when under stress. Sometimes it is hard for them to know when they should quit and turn to something else. "
http://www.theintrovertzcoach.com/healing_introverted_children.html
This says it much better than I ever could. Am I really a swan in a world full of ducks or is it just wishful thinking and excuses made up by introverts to excuse and explain away their deficiencies?
I can no longer communicate with her. Why is that? I don't know how she is. Another reason why I should stopping making the fact that someone is a Muslim as my first criterion for making friends. It just doesn't fucking work. It can't be the sole factor. It's like marriage.
She just is so deadpan. It's really such a shame but I don't think we can be close friends ever again. I appreciate the fact that she is my mirror and reflects all the ugly things I am doing now. But, again, the labels and classifications.
"You are this, not that. You should be this, not that. You have imagined this illness, like I have done. This isn't a genuine reason to be so sad. I just don't understand it. Why are you like this? Why are you flawed? Why aren't you glad for all the blessings you have? People don't have food to eat, are sick and sleep in the same room where they shit. But they aren't ungrateful. They appreciate life. So why are you so self-centred and selfish?"
Why the hell doesn't she listen to me when I tell her this is who I am? At least for now. I've tried for 10 years to change. I can't change what is hardwired. Why the heck is it that those of us who study psychology treat it like mythology or fiction? Myself included.
Who is this person? I just don't know her at all. So it can't be worth it, can it? She never says anything to me about herself. She just reduces everything to her being stupid, "but I'll get over it soon enough." I rang her to find out about her and her treatment and of course, we focus on me and I start shouting and I hang up and I still don't know anything about her.
It's not worth it anymore. Fuck it. Bye bye. You were right: four years is a heck of a long time to be away. Oh well. Life.
Anyway, I just discovered this new type of music by Yasmin Levy in Sepahardic Jew style. It's amazing how certain types of music just move me and all my instincts just come alive after being so dormant for so long. Like, the first time I heard Arabic music, it was really shocking for me to realise that I really loved it.
Man, some of these radio ad people are geniuses. Like the Schweppes ad for that lemon fizzy drink, the BA ad for 25% off and even the stupid mobile phone ads, though I hate their premise that if we are just 60% happy with our phones, that's reason enough to buy a new one. Fucking Orange. And the Virgin brag/grab offer :) That's just hilarious. How on Earth do these people think of this stuff? It's so fresh and new. And funny. Wow. Even if it's 10-20 people just coming up with one line like that, it's still pretty impressive.
I dreamt today that there was a small black kitty who managed to get on the tube and get off at the same station as I did and I was going to leave her because she wasn't mine and then I realised that the poor thing would walk onto the tracks and be killed. And she was drinking water from a barrel on the tracks, but I managed to get her and bring her home. She was mine for 5 minutes in my dreams......mew mew mew mew mew.
I really should go and see the duckies today. What are the odds I won't go? Extremely high.
For a change, I just couldn't think.
I said, "I'm going to hang up now. Take care of yourself."
She said, "You know I love you."
I said, "Yes."
"The fourth type of introvert in the smallest minority group is the INFP, the Healer. Healers make up just 1% of men and 2% of women on the planet.
Healers under stress can do things to excess, like the other types – eating, drinking and exercise. In addition they can become bossy and domineering and are capable of ignoring others’ feelings when under pressure.
The worst kind of pressure for the INFP is to be in a situation where their ethics conflict with a relationship. In other words, when their desire to please others, even sacrifice for others, is opposed to their need for integrity, they suffer. Under this kind of pressure, INFPs begin to feel “unreal”. They may lose their place in time and space. Never very interested in the physical world, surroundings or possessions, if stress continues, the INFP may lose the ability to make simple observations and choices or to be present in any comprehensible sense of the word.
INFPs can also become restless and perfectionist when under stress. Sometimes it is hard for them to know when they should quit and turn to something else. "
http://www.theintrovertzcoach.com/healing_introverted_children.html
This says it much better than I ever could. Am I really a swan in a world full of ducks or is it just wishful thinking and excuses made up by introverts to excuse and explain away their deficiencies?
I can no longer communicate with her. Why is that? I don't know how she is. Another reason why I should stopping making the fact that someone is a Muslim as my first criterion for making friends. It just doesn't fucking work. It can't be the sole factor. It's like marriage.
She just is so deadpan. It's really such a shame but I don't think we can be close friends ever again. I appreciate the fact that she is my mirror and reflects all the ugly things I am doing now. But, again, the labels and classifications.
"You are this, not that. You should be this, not that. You have imagined this illness, like I have done. This isn't a genuine reason to be so sad. I just don't understand it. Why are you like this? Why are you flawed? Why aren't you glad for all the blessings you have? People don't have food to eat, are sick and sleep in the same room where they shit. But they aren't ungrateful. They appreciate life. So why are you so self-centred and selfish?"
Why the hell doesn't she listen to me when I tell her this is who I am? At least for now. I've tried for 10 years to change. I can't change what is hardwired. Why the heck is it that those of us who study psychology treat it like mythology or fiction? Myself included.
Who is this person? I just don't know her at all. So it can't be worth it, can it? She never says anything to me about herself. She just reduces everything to her being stupid, "but I'll get over it soon enough." I rang her to find out about her and her treatment and of course, we focus on me and I start shouting and I hang up and I still don't know anything about her.
It's not worth it anymore. Fuck it. Bye bye. You were right: four years is a heck of a long time to be away. Oh well. Life.
Anyway, I just discovered this new type of music by Yasmin Levy in Sepahardic Jew style. It's amazing how certain types of music just move me and all my instincts just come alive after being so dormant for so long. Like, the first time I heard Arabic music, it was really shocking for me to realise that I really loved it.
Man, some of these radio ad people are geniuses. Like the Schweppes ad for that lemon fizzy drink, the BA ad for 25% off and even the stupid mobile phone ads, though I hate their premise that if we are just 60% happy with our phones, that's reason enough to buy a new one. Fucking Orange. And the Virgin brag/grab offer :) That's just hilarious. How on Earth do these people think of this stuff? It's so fresh and new. And funny. Wow. Even if it's 10-20 people just coming up with one line like that, it's still pretty impressive.
I dreamt today that there was a small black kitty who managed to get on the tube and get off at the same station as I did and I was going to leave her because she wasn't mine and then I realised that the poor thing would walk onto the tracks and be killed. And she was drinking water from a barrel on the tracks, but I managed to get her and bring her home. She was mine for 5 minutes in my dreams......mew mew mew mew mew.
I really should go and see the duckies today. What are the odds I won't go? Extremely high.