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Aspirations?

I've been feeling slightly up the past two days. Not sure if it's because of that ruddy email. I think it is. I've obsessed enough about it. It makes me laugh each time I read it. If only I had someone who actually lurrved me ha ha.

I don't like it when people write things they don't mean, though. Playing word games with an emotional fuckwit. You have to be really careful about that. He just doesn't think, though. We all lapse once in a while, so I should just let it slide.

Now, can you please stop obsessing already?

I mean, I'm not one of those floozy-type girls who give as good as they get back. He's just in the habit of banter. I'd never say it unless I mean it. Kind of disappointing, though. I hate people who say things to make you feel nice, when they are just not true... Christ...

I was thinking yesterday about how there was a time, probably in A Levels, when I desperately wanted to become a school counsellor and deal with kids on a one-to-one basis. Just to increase their self-esteem and if they had any worries they could just let it rip. I would have the MBTI Personality test and make them feel good for being just who they are. I would be Carl Rogers.

I just took out a book by him called A Way of Being and he's just so nice. I am so glad Sobia told me about him. He's actually so easy to read.

I returned Ian McEwan, Atonement and Saturday. Reading it was like swimming in treacle and after 150 pages or so I thought, 'well even if I want to find out what the 'secret' is in Atonement, I'm not going to put myself through the torturous reading of an entire novel to get there. I just don't care that much and there are other books I can read instead'.

Like Wuthering Heights. Emily Brontë was an INFP. She's my type of INFP. I love her; although I haven't yet understood or felt her poetry. Heaney and Wordsworth are good.

I think I might actually go to Oxfam tomorrow. Maybe not, if not then on Saturday morning.

I just realised that I am all four humours. But my preference is for melancholic and then it's either choleric or phlegmatic. Hardly ever sanguine. The good news is that if I aspire to become sanguine, I can be so. Just enough so that my moods stabilise and I can feel happy.

Still don't know what to do with my life. May tomorrow be a good day. It's a bollocks-freezing 1oC, but I must get out of the house for a walk. Even though Tesco is too far, I am sure I can figure something out. I have to leave; Dad will be home tomorrow.
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