Isle of Skye

It's a bit odd I'm thinking like this but i wish i had 1400 and 1600 rupees to spend on two shirts from chen one. i like them, they are excellent quality, made in PK and I love them and won't get something like that in the UK - but as luck would have it, I can't buy them because they are unaffordable for me. It's ok. Life goes on. Maybe you'll get them in heaven.

Why is it I have never lit up someone's life? I have never had someone hug me to bits and say "You matter so much to me. You make me so happy." Why does it matter that I should have someone like that? It doesn't add an iota of value to me as a person. I still wouldn't believe them anyway.

counsellor. librarian.writer. wake up.

It just seems I’m stuck. Wherever I am, I am stuck.  Why am I attracting this lack of love?  Alhamdulillah, my mental health is a bit better today, but then the switching takes place.  And I obsess over dirt and najasat and nobody can tell me what’s wrong or how to get out of it.  Or that everyone is so inherently evil that no matter how much we try we’re never getting close to Allah.  Or I binge eat.  Or I just close my eyes to reality.  And people are now condemning me for taking an arts degree because it doesn’t make me skilled for any work whatsoever.  You haven’t travelled my life journey so you can’t know that the confidence I have now I should have had when I was 19. You probably had it at 19. I didn’t. I wasn’t good at accounting. So I couldn’t go into business. And my values are different now.  But I still need to marry and I still need to work. And I constantly want to go back to London but the reality is that I ca...

It's been a hard three weeks since my amr bil maroof and nahy anil munkar and realization of sin. and i did it again yday and then i told You please i can't take it anymore. i don't want to have her voice in my head. thinking she is right and i am wrong. we aren't, either of us. I'll say it: if only i had had just had enough backbone and not gone.

ya allah help me. i am overwhelmed and it's not happy ever after and i don't know where to turn.

Oh lord, i complain to you today for the loneliness that i feel inspite of having both parents alive, both aunts and uncle alive and having imam mehdi here. i complain to you of the lack of love within my heart and for the scarcity of good friends whom i can get along with and who are also mohib e ali and momin. i complain to you of a nafs which always commands to evil and i follow and i complain of shaytan who has me feeling isolated from your help. i complain to you of me being who i am - not as i would like not as you like. i thank you for where i am because things could be worse. help me.